RELATIONSHIPS
My friend once told me, the best opportunity to learn is'' intra-personal'', because none is perfect living here. You are not God, you're still a learner no matter your age. Just learn what you don't know and don't be afraid of making mistakes because they're inevitable to man.
Accept your mistakes for it allowe's you to wellkom in new idear's, it's about you!
Do you feel like your relationships are almost always ruined because you're scared? Scared of commitment because it did not work out before? Scared of being abandoned like your friend was? Scared she or he'll cheat on you, like my girlfriend did? ENIYE CHARLES lists the top phobias that make you want to run and hide when love comes to town.
FEAR OF COMMITMENT
If you would agree with me, it's human nature to want to protect yourself, and commitment to someone or something with no proof is a scary thought.
CHARLES is so scared of commitment that it kept him from keeping a relationship for years. ''People who knew me are aware that he hasen't had a girlfriend since his secondry school days,'' he confesses. ''I dated a couple of girls in my university days, but none ever lasted. The minute a girl gets more involved in my life, i run for the hills. It's my cue to leave. I guess my fear of commitment comes from getting hurt in the past. I know i will never conquer my fear until i hill the pain inside. ''Charles hits the nail on the head - your fear of commitment comes from somewhere. Try and figure out why you shy away from long-term arrangements, and work through your emotions. Be honest with your partner about your fear; she or he might help you work through your issues. If you feel like you can't deal with the fear by yourself, get professional help.
FEAR OF ABANDONMENT
If you have seen abandonment - your dad leaving your mom, perhaps, you might assume that it is inevitable that your woman or man will also abondon you. Your logic will have you shun relationships forever, but love is an emotion, and it's not guided by logic. That's why they ''only fools fall in love''. We all have to calculate the risks when we fall for something, someone. You can let your fear consume you and drive you crazy or a little and enjoy the good times.
If she or he abondons you, think of it as an opportunity to meet the one that was meant for you.
FEAR OF ABUSE
Many woman or men who 've dated abusers can testify that their partners were not abusive from their first date. Abusers behave very well until they know that you are hooked, and then the abuse begins. If this is one of your biggest fears, make sure that you are aware of signs. The controlling usually starts very early on, and it escalates. If the problem persit, it's your cue to get o going.
FEAR OF CHANGE
It's only natural that you may be a bit concerned about how married life is going to change you as a person. I am not married yet but trust me, marriage is like an omlet, and it is as good as it eggs... The entire world expect you to change, talk differently. Whether you change at all is entirely up to you! But, juggling your time between running a household and working a nine-to-five job is very demanding, and it's easy to lose yourself in the process. You 'll only lose yourself if you let yourself go and let your dreams dissipate into oblivion. Hang on to the things that you lovve, and put time aside to do them. Balance is the holy grail of married life, but many have struggled to achieve this. Discuss your fears with your partner and accept his or her help and support. Delegate chors- she or he may be more than willing to help out. Plus, if you can pay for help, go for it!
FEAR OF INFIDELITY
Does monogamy actually exist? We've seen great women and men risk it all for a side piece. Do all woman or men cheat? Why do they cheat? Maybe Tiger Woods has the answers to these questions. Although we know that not all women and men cheat, we're still not sure if those who don't are ever tempted to. Maybe they're all to cheat sometimes, and it just depends on who has more self control. Until we manage to actually get into their brains, we can never really know the answer to why most women and men cheat. The only way you can get over the fear of infidelity is to stop assuming that all women and men are the same, and that sometimes life just happens. Rather be the girl or boy who gave it a try than the one who never tried at all. Who knows, woman or man may just turn out to be that one in a million. If life happens and she or he chears, know that you are much stronger than you think. It may not seem possible when this happens, but you will move on, and you will become a stronger person.
FEAR THAT YOU ARE NOT THE ONE
My biggest fear has always been ending up with a girl who knows in her heart that i'm not 'the one' for her. She knows that i'm just her 'in-the-meantime guy'. In my opinion that is so unfair becacse i could be out there looking for my soul mate,'' says Dan*, 30. Some women or men get into relationships knowing that there is another woman or man who is the one''. In that case, you only have yourself to blame. But you could go into a relationship believing you are the one, only to find out later that it's not the case; in these cases, it's not something you can control. However, finding out as much as you can about your girlfriend or boyfriend's pervious relationships can give you some clues to her or his track record and your chances together. Remember, it really doesn't hurt to ask the question and demand an honest answer.
TO BE CONTUIDED.
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